Doctor Crackers
by HandMeThatCookie
Summary: One of Carth's friends suggests that he visits a pyschologist, and Carth finds his 'true love' in the office of Doctor Cheese Crackers. Carth also finds a straight jacket! Read, Review, and Enjoy!


**Hey peoples! It has been a while since I've written anything, but I've been busy with school stuff. Anyway, my normal disclaimer applies. I do not own Carth. I also do not own KOTOR. Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

A soft knocking echoed through the huge oak door and Doctor Cheese Crackers looked up from the book he was cradling.

"Yes?" His voice had a high-pitched, breathy tone to it, as if he had a cold or had ingested helium.

"Dr. Crackers?" Carth spoke quickly, doubting that he was saying the doctor's name correctly.

"That is me, come right in." Dr. Crackers placed his book down on the table and picked up a note pad and pen, then settling into the large leather armchair.

Carth struggled with the door, his hands trying to figure out how to grasp the metal handle. He pulled the door towards him, gaining nothing but an ear-splitting sound from the door's hinges.

"Twist and push." Dr. Crackers sighed as Carth finally managed to open the door.

"Sorry about that." Carth blushed as he approached the doctor. "Where should I sit?"

"Lying down in that sofa please." Dr. Crackers smiled as he motioned towards the leather sofa next to his chair. "I hope you don't mind. I take an 'old school' approach to psychology."

"A what to what?" He settled himself carefully into the sofa.

"My dear boy, they told me you were stupid, but you are more so than I had thought."

"Excuse me?" Carth threw himself off the sofa.

"I work from the past in the studies of the human mind. That means that I use old technology, like that door you had so much trouble with, to help you understand what is going on in your mind. All you must do is lie down and spill your guts and I shall write everything down and tell you what you must do to make sense of your life."

"Listen Dr. Crackers," Carth stopped mid-sentence and looked cautiously at the doctor. "How do you say your last name?"

"Just the way you have been. Crackers, like the food. Now continue with your thought."

"Uh…" Carth thought for a moment, trying to remember what he had been planning to say. "I don't think I need to be here. My friend recommended that I come to make myself feel better, but so far, I haven't been able to open a door, you called me stupid, and your name is Cheese Crackers. I'm not feeling better at all."

"And how does that make you feel?" The doctor spoke as soon as Carth stopped, continuing to scribble the words of Carth's rant down on the page.

"How does that make me _feel_?" Carth fell back into the sofa and sighed. "Tired. I think all those years fighting in the Republic and my age has finally caught up with me."

"And how old are you?"

"50 next Tuesday." Carth closed his eyes as he leaned his head against the base of the sofa.

"Tsk tsk tsk…" Dr. Crackers shook his head. "Do you have any family Curth?"

"What?" Carth's eyes opened.

"I said," Dr. Cheese took a deep breath as he began to repeat the phrase exactly as he had before. "Do you have any family Curth?"

"My name is Carth."

The doctor looked at him and brought his hands to his mustache, gently curling it. Dr. Crackers watched Carth watching him curl his mustache and smiled as he leaned back in his armchair. "So it is. But answer my question. Family, any, you, got?"

"I have a son, and I used to have a wife, but she's long dead. My parents died when I was really young, and they didn't have any brothers or sisters. So I guess all I have left is my son."

"And what is his name?" Dr. Crackers was once again scribbling onto the paper.

"Dustil."

"And what is your relationship with Dusty?"

"Dustil." Carth sighed as he corrected the doctor on yet another name.

"Whatever, we aren't here to talk about him, unless he has something to do with why you are here, and his name has nothing to do with that. What is your relationship with him?"

"His name actually has a lot to do with my life story. He was named after my granddad-"

"What is your relationship with the boy?!?" The doctor bellowed as he interrupted Carth.

"He joined the sith to get away from me." Once again, Dr. Crackers shook his head as Carth spoke.

"Right then. Tell me about the friend who suggested that you come here."

For the next hour, Carth lay on the couch, correcting names for Dr. Crackers and telling the doctor everything he had been keeping bottled up. Finally, Carth's mind felt clear, free and manageable.

"Doc, I'm not sure how to thank you." Carth stood and took the doctor's hand. "I think I just thought a thought that makes me think that every thought I will ever think will be thought out thoroughly, because my mind and thoughts have been cleared thanks to you!"

"Well, a thought is the beginning of a happy reality." The doctor smiled and tried to pull his hand away from Carth, but Carth just stepped closer.

"Cheese, Dr. Cracker, Doc, whatever you want me to call you, it doesn't matter. I love you!" Carth threw himself towards the doctor and embraced him in a hug.

"SECURITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET THE CRAZY PERSON OFF ME!!!!"

Guards rushed into the room and pulled Carth away from Dr. Cracker.

"No! Let me go! I love you Cheese! Marry me!" Carth struggled to get away from the guards, and Dr. Crackers smoothed out his mustache.

"Get him a straight jacket and a sponge room. And send a hologram to his son Dusty. Tell him his dad is going to be locked up in here for a _long_ time."

"His name is Dustil! Learn your step-son's name!" And with those final words, Carth was dragged out of the room.

Dr. Crackers sat back in his chair and cleared his throat. "Next patient!" He called into the room outside his office.

And with that, poor, unsuspecting Jolee walking into the room, ready to rant about gizkas.

**Fin! Did you enjoy it? If so, please review…I know I haven't written in a while, this was just a warm-up writing to get me back into the way things are done! Hope you liked!**


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